Hello dear reader,

In another letter I started writing at the end of January I started with ‘New year, new beginnings, right?’. I am going to pretend the year has just started, because in my experience, it feels like that. Spring has sprung and I’ve finished a picture book in January, that seems to have taken me two years to make.

This winter, we had so many dark and cloudy days in the Netherlands and I was feeling very disappointed with myself that I didn’t manage to finish all the work before the Christmas holidays (or a year earlier, for that matter) and had a bit of a confidence crisis.

I just saw so many things that could be better and felt unsure of the final result. At the same time I just wanted to get rid of it all, send all the risograph prints as quickly as possible and take my hands off of it. I was so relieved to have the team at Andersen Press take over and figure out the rest of it.

Part of me knew that this just seems to be part of my creative cycle, it has happened before, just around the time I was finishing a book. I disintegrate partly, feel like a failure for not having been able to work faster and doubt the whole project as I’ve been too close to it for too long to see it for what it is.

Sometimes I get sick or am going through a period of what feels like depression, anxiety or both. This time I had a bit of everything, but luckily not for too long.

I do have to admit that one of the great things about becoming older is that you’ve experienced more and can recognise patterns and also learn to trust that it means there will be an end to whatever it is you are in the middle of. It’s easier to surrender to the eb and flow of life, even though the feelings can still suck and are just as painful. It has also become easier for me to share the experience in the moment, with a few people, so it feels a little less lonely and heavy. By surrendering and acknowledging the doubt and pain, it moves through me quicker (if it were like my picture book When Sadness Comes to Call perhaps it would’ve left already by dinner time, rather than staying till next morning).

Now I’ve come out on the other side of it (after having endured a few weeks of everyone being sick at home as well). I’ve had plenty of sunshine to compensate for what felt like a very long winter, and am also in the middle of the energising and exciting process of generating and forming ideas for my next picture book, including having a good look at the ideas of which I’ve planted the seeds already back when I was studying the MA Children’s Book Illustration in Cambridge between 2015 and 2018.

The reason I’m writing this Substack now is that I want to let you know that I’m going to dedicate myself to writing one every other week. I feel reluctant to declare this here now, because I’m unsure of what shape it will take and it’s quite the commitment, but I know that if I don’t do it, I will postpone writing these Substacks.

I’m going to be very honest about it upfront and let you know that part of the motivation is that it seems a wonderful way to supplement income (eventually, when I’ve managed to grow an audience of which part is also willing to support me and pay for the subscription). It’s a long term plan, and requires some faith and determination to see through. Either way, I feel excited about the possibility to share some deeper thoughts about the creative process (I have so many!), share some peeks behind the scenes and in the act of writing and sharing, also learn to be less of a perfectionist.

I’m hoping to create a community where we can inspire each other, uplift each other and find some comfort in knowing that we are not alone in the more challenging bits of being human/a parent/an illustrator/ an author/ a creative/a printmaker. Let’s see where this goes. Just like with my picture books I like to think of the reader as my co-creator. Whatever resonates with you, is likely going to shape this Substack as well and give it some direction.

For the very first time I will activate the paid subscription but for now I won’t hide anything behind a paywall yet. If you want you can also choose to become a founding member. Founding members will receive a few postcard sized risograph prints that I will send to wherever you are in the world (as long as the mailman can reach you of course). I have yet to decide on the designs so you can have your say in the comments and give me suggestions.

You can expect me to send a Substack every other week. You’ll be the first to know about new risograph prints in my webshop (occasionally with a discount code) and I’ll promise to keep you up to date of any new books, projects or events. When possible, I’ll share more about them with you before they are published.

Besides this my Substack might contain reflections and observations about picture books, risography, the creative process, drawing, emotions, parenthood and whatever rabbit holes I’ve been into recently. I might also share dreams, inspirations, lists, illustrated letters, books I’ve read, films I’ve watched, podcasts I’ve listened to, Substacks I’m enjoying, memories and the world as seen through my children’s eyes but don’t pin me down on anything just yet.

At the moment everything is still possible like I feel everything is possible with the next book I’m going to make. I might make it super fast this time around, it can still be about anything and it might even be a joyful process throughout! I’ll hold on to this feeling of possibility whilst it’s still there and I’ll make sure to enjoy the time with my children whilst they are still young. Just like I’m learning to surrender to the darker moods (rather than feeling resistance towards them and trying to control them), I also want to surrender to going with my creative flow and experience joy without stifling it with feelings of guilt and responsibility immediately.

Let me know in the comments if any of this resonates and which season you are in at the moment, if you like.

Take care everyone. Wherever you are and whichever challenges you might be facing.

With love,

Eva